Pets & Divorce

Man who got his wife's goat in bizarre divorce settlement

Oct 16th

You don't expect this to be happening still, but nonetheless...

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.

October Thoughts

Well the cold weather is here and I've definitely noticed an increase in business and people contacting me with divorce related questions. This got me thinking if higher divorce rates would correlate geographically with cold weather/less sun.

Well according to William R. Maddox Jr., from Marriage Savers, in the US of A at least, "Strangely enough, the divorce rate of any place in the continental United States can be reliably predicted by knowing the number of days out of the year that women there can wear swimsuits. Generally, the more warm weather days suitable for bathing attire, the higher the divorce rate; the more cold weather days unsuitable for swimwear, the lower the divorce rate."

US Divorce Rates and Geography

Catch 22

If you saw yesterday's Toronto Star you may have caught the curious case of Larissa Chism and Tara Ranzy, a lesbian couple from Indiana who married in Ontario. Their predicament is that they now wish to divorce and Ontario law stipulates that one spouse must reside in the Province for at least one year in order to have divorce granted. Of course Indiana does not legally allow or recognize gay marriage. Put it all together and you get some silliness.


Here is the article:

http://www.thestar.com/article/699523

Family Psychology

http://www.academicearth.org/lectures/intro-families-and-couples

Psychology of couples/families.

September Seminars and Thoughts

I've been away traveling in and around upstate New York for large parts of August so I missed posting an August blog and now its September! The Family Law Support Team at www.divorce-advice-ontario.com is going through a busy period. On Sept 16th and 24th we're running our 8th and 9th Seminars of the year. Since we launched in December of 2008 our seminars have been my favorite aspect of this venture, not just because I am always challenged and excited by the people I meet and the stories they tell, but also because these seminars have been the starting point for many long term relationships with people we've helped get clarity on their complex family law proceedings. To be honest I also enjoy the challenge of public speaking.

I've been thinking a lot recently about relationships, as I think everyone does, and how they relate to what I'm doing through work. There's definitely another level to divorce that the legal system and lawyers are usually incapable of addressing and that's the emotional toll that these situations take on people and the need to resolve that spectrum of divorce. I think it's important to allow yourself to grieve if you have been hurt by the loss "failure" of a marriage. In my opinion the best way to do that is to settle your differences with your ex quickly and outside of the court system. Too many people drag things out in court to get "back" at the other party but this only prevents them from moving on with their lives quicker and makes lawyers richer. That is why we always suggest settling to our clients. Try to look beyond the emotional issues so you can get the logistics completed, then you will have a blank slate to work on your personal issues.

Once you have the legal ties between you cut with a divorce order and you have agreed to your future association/disassociation through asset division, support, custody schedule, child support and so on, you can then go to work on the hard part of managing your psychology and personal life as a divorcee.

I'll write more about the concept of "failure" and how it applies to marriage and relationships (doesn't really exist at all) soon.

Warm Regards,

JL

Emotions and Divorce

Here is a quote from "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton. I highly recommend this book for EVERYONE, in particular if you are going through the emotional process of separation, divorce or have unresolved emotional energy from a divorce in your past, including your parent's divorce.

I found many of the ideas put forth in this title to be refreshing and useful. At the end of the day it is your own responsibility to manage your mental health, which can be easily lost in the shuffle of everyday life during a divorce proceeding.

"The process of forgiveness involves the following six minimal requirements, none of which may be skipped.

1. You have to tell the truth about what specific behav ior you resent, to the person, face-to-face;

2. You have to be verbally and vocally unrestrained with regard to volume and propriety;

3. You have to pay attention to the feelings and sensa tions in your body and to the other person as you speak;

4. You have to express any appreciations for the person that come up in the process, with the same attention to your feelings and to the other person as when you are expressing resentments;

5. You have to stay with any feelings that emerge in the process, like tears or laughter, regardless of any evalu ations you may have about how it makes you look;

6. You have to stay with the discussion until you no longer feel resentful of the other person.

Then, and only then, are you ready to talk about the future, make arrangements for the future, or make any agree-ments. Any lawyer, priest, psychotherapist, or other patrol-man who tells you differently about this is full of shit. Any diplomat, bureaucrat, democrat, labor leader, company executive, head of government, husband, wife, son, or daughter who attempts to do other than this is likewise full of shit."