Nobody goes into a marriage thinking they are going to get divorced but with the rates of divorce what they are in our society it would make sense for adults, both men and women, to learn more about the institution of marriage, the industry of divorce and the psychology behind both. I have been following Paul Dobransky, M.D. who is an author and psychiatrist focusing on the area of relationships and Men's development (he can be found here: http://www.doctorpaul.net/about/) and he had some interesting things to say recently about marriage.
Recently Dr. Paul wrote:
"One thing is for sure - whether you are twenty
years old or eighty, you will one day have to make
your mind up about what you think of the legal
contract called marriage.
You might be surprised to hear that even if you
are a college student and view marriage as a vague
concept at least ten years away, it will actually
serve your dating life NOW, in a remarkable way,
to know ahead of time how it works, what the
challenges to our culture are, and especially what
your opinion of it is.
Why?
Because the desire to partner and the dream of
marriage is biologically hard-wired into a woman's
brain, and tied to whether she will even be
sexually attracted to you.
That's right. Your views on marriage and a woman's
passion for the concept don't just affect old
people. It directly impacts your sexual
attractiveness to women RIGHT NOW."
If you are interested in learning more about the psychological and biological basis of marriage I highly recommend his books. If you are already in the process of divorcing or are thinking about it I recommend you take a look at the divorce-advice-ontario.com website and the multitude of resources available for you so you can learn the logical (institution of divorce) laws so you can get on with your life and resolve the issues around your family law case without giving away your life savings to a lawyer.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Get divorced and help the environment
I recently read that in parts of Indonesia in order to get a divorce you must plant 50 trees. This is part of a government program to aid in assisting certain regions that have been influenced by deforestation. The article was unclear as to if the divorcing couples had to plat the 50 trees together or separately.
If you are considering a divorce in Ontario you won't need to grab a shovel any time soon but you will have to do some metaphoric digging into what your rights are and what the process is in Ontario. One way to do this is by ordering a video divorce kit from the Family Law Support Team which explains how to draft a divorce application or respond to one that has been served on you. The kit is meant as a learning tool to save you money so you do not need to spend it on a lawyer. For more information go here
If you are considering a divorce in Ontario you won't need to grab a shovel any time soon but you will have to do some metaphoric digging into what your rights are and what the process is in Ontario. One way to do this is by ordering a video divorce kit from the Family Law Support Team which explains how to draft a divorce application or respond to one that has been served on you. The kit is meant as a learning tool to save you money so you do not need to spend it on a lawyer. For more information go here
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
What not to do with your children when you Separate
Story of missing daughter
It may be too early to know exactly what happened here.
What is important to remember is that decisions regarding the children in a family law case are always open to review by the courts so no decision is ever forever. On top of this, one day soon your children will be adults and they will remember your actions during the divorce period. It is important that you and your ex-spouse try and maintain positive relationships with your children and try not to use your children as leverage in your divorce. It will come back to haunt you when they are grown ups.
It may be too early to know exactly what happened here.
What is important to remember is that decisions regarding the children in a family law case are always open to review by the courts so no decision is ever forever. On top of this, one day soon your children will be adults and they will remember your actions during the divorce period. It is important that you and your ex-spouse try and maintain positive relationships with your children and try not to use your children as leverage in your divorce. It will come back to haunt you when they are grown ups.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Separation Agreements
Separation Agreements: What are they and how do you get one?
A separation agreement is a contract that is intended to settle the affairs of couples who have separated. This agreement can be signed even before any legal proceeding has been commenced.
There are a number of things to keep in mind when talking about a separation agreement (this list is not meant to be exhaustive since everyone’s circumstances are different):
1. The agreement should put to rest once and for all the following:
1. A division of property including the matrimonial home, furniture and other assets;
2. Spousal support and when or if it will terminate;
3. Child custody;
4. Child support and when it will terminate;
5. Sharing child related expenses;
6. Access and holiday schedules for the child(ren);
7. Any other issues that you or your spouse feel need to be finalized in writing.
2. You need to prepare a Financial Statement that lists all of your assets and debts.
3. You should consider whether you need a parenting coordinator.
4. Be aware of the pitfalls of not receiving Independent Legal Advice.
You can seek out the assistance of a mediator to help you in the negotiation. This is a very useful way to reach an agreement since the mediator is often a lawyer and he or she will be able to guide you both through the process. The cost of a mediator is far, far less than the cost of two warring lawyers.
It is important to understand that you can never contract away on a permanent basis the issues surrounding children. Courts consider the ‘best interests of the children’ as paramount and therefore issues surrounding custody and access as well as child support are always subject to change if circumstances change.
Once you have signed a separation agreement you can then go ahead with a divorce at minimal cost. If you were in a common law relationship then once the agreement is signed you are able to move forward with your life.
A separation agreement is a contract that is intended to settle the affairs of couples who have separated. This agreement can be signed even before any legal proceeding has been commenced.
There are a number of things to keep in mind when talking about a separation agreement (this list is not meant to be exhaustive since everyone’s circumstances are different):
1. The agreement should put to rest once and for all the following:
1. A division of property including the matrimonial home, furniture and other assets;
2. Spousal support and when or if it will terminate;
3. Child custody;
4. Child support and when it will terminate;
5. Sharing child related expenses;
6. Access and holiday schedules for the child(ren);
7. Any other issues that you or your spouse feel need to be finalized in writing.
2. You need to prepare a Financial Statement that lists all of your assets and debts.
3. You should consider whether you need a parenting coordinator.
4. Be aware of the pitfalls of not receiving Independent Legal Advice.
You can seek out the assistance of a mediator to help you in the negotiation. This is a very useful way to reach an agreement since the mediator is often a lawyer and he or she will be able to guide you both through the process. The cost of a mediator is far, far less than the cost of two warring lawyers.
It is important to understand that you can never contract away on a permanent basis the issues surrounding children. Courts consider the ‘best interests of the children’ as paramount and therefore issues surrounding custody and access as well as child support are always subject to change if circumstances change.
Once you have signed a separation agreement you can then go ahead with a divorce at minimal cost. If you were in a common law relationship then once the agreement is signed you are able to move forward with your life.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Divorce and Children - in the news
One of the major difficulties in divorce between parents of young children is what to do when you and your ex disagree on how to make a major decision regarding a child. In this case in Quebec it got ugly.
Quebec Girl Sues Dad
Quebec Girl Sues Dad
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Starting Over Show
It is becoming abundantly obvious to anyone involved in the divorce industry that changes are occurring on a global scale. Ontario is not the only jurisdiction that is facing challenges that require innovative solutions.
I recently met the UK based founder of The Starting Over Show who has decided to put on the first divorce show (similar to common wedding shows/conventions) in that country. Her show: www.startingovershow.co.uk/ focuses on helping people adjust to life after marriage and maintains a positive focus. I could see this working in Canada as many people going through a separation and divorce are unsure where to go to get help whether they need legal advice, counseling, or another type of support.
I recently met the UK based founder of The Starting Over Show who has decided to put on the first divorce show (similar to common wedding shows/conventions) in that country. Her show: www.startingovershow.co.uk/ focuses on helping people adjust to life after marriage and maintains a positive focus. I could see this working in Canada as many people going through a separation and divorce are unsure where to go to get help whether they need legal advice, counseling, or another type of support.
Divorce in Tough Economic Times?
This is a question that many unhappy couples are struggling with all over this country in our new and uncertain economy. There is no answer that fits every situation. Certainly there are those who are so miserable in their relationship and find it so intolerable that the last thing on their mind is timing.
There are people who do have the opportunity to plan ahead and to calculate when they should separate so that they will receive the best financial advantage. The decision which is right for you depends on your own situation and what you seek in the divorce process.
Issues of child and spousal support are tied directly to income. However there are different considerations for each type of support. Child support should not be an issue because it is reviewed and adjusted every year with income fluctuation. Spousal support on the other hand is usually a figure that is fixed at the time the agreement is reached or court judgement is issued and is directly income based. It has a lot to do with both parties income at the time. So if you seek spousal support and your spouse has lost his or her job or had a large salary reduction because of the economy, that is definitely an issue.
Equalization of net family property is the biggest consideration. The valuation of what you own for the purposes of dividing things up is based on what they are worth on the date of separation. If the value of investments, real estate and personal property has dropped significantly then you may want to hang on until there is an economic recovery.
For years I have heard people hesitate about separating because they are nervous about money, the ability to carry on financially on their own, and because they think the timing may not be right for a variety of reasons, no matter what the state of the economy. My best advice to you is to consult a lawyer, get some counselling and take the road that they and you decide is best.
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