What not to do with your children when you Separate

Story of missing daughter

It may be too early to know exactly what happened here.

What is important to remember is that decisions regarding the children in a family law case are always open to review by the courts so no decision is ever forever. On top of this, one day soon your children will be adults and they will remember your actions during the divorce period. It is important that you and your ex-spouse try and maintain positive relationships with your children and try not to use your children as leverage in your divorce. It will come back to haunt you when they are grown ups.

Separation Agreements

Separation Agreements: What are they and how do you get one?

A separation agreement is a contract that is intended to settle the affairs of couples who have separated. This agreement can be signed even before any legal proceeding has been commenced.

There are a number of things to keep in mind when talking about a separation agreement (this list is not meant to be exhaustive since everyone’s circumstances are different):

1. The agreement should put to rest once and for all the following:

1. A division of property including the matrimonial home, furniture and other assets;
2. Spousal support and when or if it will terminate;
3. Child custody;
4. Child support and when it will terminate;
5. Sharing child related expenses;
6. Access and holiday schedules for the child(ren);
7. Any other issues that you or your spouse feel need to be finalized in writing.

2. You need to prepare a Financial Statement that lists all of your assets and debts.

3. You should consider whether you need a parenting coordinator.
4. Be aware of the pitfalls of not receiving Independent Legal Advice.

You can seek out the assistance of a mediator to help you in the negotiation. This is a very useful way to reach an agreement since the mediator is often a lawyer and he or she will be able to guide you both through the process. The cost of a mediator is far, far less than the cost of two warring lawyers.

It is important to understand that you can never contract away on a permanent basis the issues surrounding children. Courts consider the ‘best interests of the children’ as paramount and therefore issues surrounding custody and access as well as child support are always subject to change if circumstances change.

Once you have signed a separation agreement you can then go ahead with a divorce at minimal cost. If you were in a common law relationship then once the agreement is signed you are able to move forward with your life.

Divorce and Children - in the news

One of the major difficulties in divorce between parents of young children is what to do when you and your ex disagree on how to make a major decision regarding a child. In this case in Quebec it got ugly.

Quebec Girl Sues Dad

The Starting Over Show

It is becoming abundantly obvious to anyone involved in the divorce industry that changes are occurring on a global scale. Ontario is not the only jurisdiction that is facing challenges that require innovative solutions.

I recently met the UK based founder of The Starting Over Show who has decided to put on the first divorce show (similar to common wedding shows/conventions) in that country. Her show: www.startingovershow.co.uk/ focuses on helping people adjust to life after marriage and maintains a positive focus. I could see this working in Canada as many people going through a separation and divorce are unsure where to go to get help whether they need legal advice, counseling, or another type of support.

Divorce in Tough Economic Times?

This is a question that many unhappy couples are struggling with all over this country in our new and uncertain economy. There is no answer that fits every situation. Certainly there are those who are so miserable in their relationship and find it so intolerable that the last thing on their mind is timing.

There are people who do have the opportunity to plan ahead and to calculate when they should separate so that they will receive the best financial advantage. The decision which is right for you depends on your own situation and what you seek in the divorce process.

Issues of child and spousal support are tied directly to income. However there are different considerations for each type of support. Child support should not be an issue because it is reviewed and adjusted every year with income fluctuation. Spousal support on the other hand is usually a figure that is fixed at the time the agreement is reached or court judgement is issued and is directly income based. It has a lot to do with both parties income at the time. So if you seek spousal support and your spouse has lost his or her job or had a large salary reduction because of the economy, that is definitely an issue.

Equalization of net family property is the biggest consideration. The valuation of what you own for the purposes of dividing things up is based on what they are worth on the date of separation. If the value of investments, real estate and personal property has dropped significantly then you may want to hang on until there is an economic recovery.

For years I have heard people hesitate about separating because they are nervous about money, the ability to carry on financially on their own, and because they think the timing may not be right for a variety of reasons, no matter what the state of the economy. My best advice to you is to consult a lawyer, get some counselling and take the road that they and you decide is best.

What's the first thing to do when considering a divorce?

The first thing you need to be clear about is whether or not you are serious about getting a divorce. Divorce is costly, financially and emotionally, and it should be seriously thought through before proceeding.

Lawyers in Ontario are required to ask if there is any prospect of reconciliation and so you need to contemplate this before you go see a lawyer. You may want to consider marriage counseling if there is a chance to save the marriage, especially if there are children involved. Ask yourself - have you tried your best to save the marriage and is it worth saving?

Once you have answered this question you need to get on with the family law courts process and resume the rest of your life as soon as possible. If you have decided that divorce is the only option remaining then you need to begin to educate yourself on the process and laws in your jurisdiction so that you can resolve the significant issues outstanding as you separate and get a divorce.

Welcome

Welcome to the Divorce Advice Ontario Blog. This blog is for family law self litigants. If you find yourself dealing with a divorce or family law situation and can not afford the legal costs associated with hiring a lawyer, this blog will offer stories to assist you. It is a real challenge to self litigate your family law case but it CAN be done. My group, the FAMILY LAW SUPPORT TEAM at www.divorce-advice-ontario.com is dedicated to providing legal support at a reasonable cost. This blog will provide you with current family law case stories from the Ontario family courts.

Various current issues will be reviewed in our blog on a regular basis. These will include our review of the court process and we will keep you updated on changes in the family law rules, practices and procedures. We will also discuss general topics of interest to those who are thinking of separating, actually separated, and those who are involved in the family court process.